Report #2
Dear Diary,
Oh my God. Rolf is so hot with his light orange, buff body and his
cute black spots. I can't even believe that he's dating Lainie, the Walmart fish.
She's so OT. And why is it that big guys always go for tiny girls? I mean, come
on. Big guys are supposed to be with long girls. What, I am supposed to pair
with Lars, the Walmart geek? I'm so much prettier than Lainie, with my long,
flowing fins and light complexion. What does he see in her, anyway? I told
Greta about it, and she can't believe it either. (I think she likes Rolf too,
but she won't admit it to me.) She's pissing me off, too. I mean, when we
finally got fed today (after only getting fed once by that incompetent
substitute for our usual Food Guy, and late, I might add), Greta was all
"Oh, I had a big lunch yesterday. I'm not hungry." Bullshit. Out of
the corner of my eye, as I went for a big piece of food (unlike that bitch Lainie,
with a mouth so tiny she needs precrushed food. Maybe she should ask Rolf to
break some up for her.) I saw Greta eating, out of the corner of my eye, just
like the rest of us. So why does she always have to pretend shes, like, above
feeding or something? It's so stupid. God. What am I doing here? And what's
with that little orange guy? What's his name, Louis or something? What's his
deal? He's just kind of on his own, doing his own thing. The rest of us gather
around the surface when we see ITFP (Inept Temp Food Person) coming, and Louis
is just, like, waiting aroud, being fashionably late. I think he might have a
thing for ITFP. Shit, he might as well. It's not like he has a chance with
Greta or me. Oh my God. There go Rolf and Lainie. I gotta go see where they're
going. Wait a minute... it's not
Lainie, it's Greta! I can't f@#*ing believe it. My best friend! Some BFF she
is! God. Where's Lainie? I can't wait to see the look on her little puckered
face when she hears this!!
Hugs,
Sheila