September 21, 2005
The Koi Chronicles: "Bad News"
KKOI had undergone some changes at the corporate level. In an effort to reach a new audience, the feral
cat management changed the call letters and hired two koi news anchors. Jeanine
and Roger were delighted with their new job prospect at first, but quickly,
they became incensed at the station's stratification and corresponding pay
scale (with felines in positions of power, koi anchors as window dressing, and
a mosquito fish crew). Equally angering was the feral cats' species-centric,
insensitive language, rife with dominant imagery that perpetuated, reflected,
or implied the marginalization of fish of all kinds. On the new anchors' first
day, Chuck, the station manager, thinking he was being complimentary, explained
the new strategy to gain popularity among fish: "Market research shows
that in koi aesthetics, butterfly koi are the considered the height of beauty
among fish. With you two long-finned butterfly koi smiling ant the public,
we'll be sure to hook 'em and reel 'em in!" Understandably, this got
things off to a rocky start. Jeanine and Roger tried to sensitize the cats to
the nuances of language after this, but it was slow going. As is often the
case, the legacy of past intentional hurtful speech now colored the fishes'
interpretation of phrases that perhaps contained no intentional disrespect.
Furthermore, the cats remained largely insensitive to the heart of the issue,
brushing off the fishes' linguistic demands as merely "superficial
semantic change" and "PC drivel." The combination of these two
dynamics set the stage for continuing problems.
This morning, Roger and Jeanine sat, coiffed and perky, behind the
news desk, reading the morning news from the teleprompter. Roger began by
announcing the effect of yesterday's winds, the fallen branch that spanned the
pond, the good fortune of the pond's residents and general structure, for
having survived the branch incident in good form, and the heroic removal of the
branch by a kind-hearted human. He then turned things over to Jeanine to
announce the recent disappearance of neighbor cat Wiley, pointing to the flyer
his human left at the door yesterday. Jeanine pointed out the cat's physical
description and read off Wiley's human's phone number, before proceeding to
read the human's request that all people please look for cats trapped in their
garages and yards. In an unfortunate slip of the tongue, Jeanine (mistakenly or
subversively) misread the last phrase, instead saying, "Please lock your
cats, trapped, in your garages and yards." Jeanine caught her mistake
right away, stared right at the camera, and tried unsuccessfully to control her
giggles as she corrected her wording. Furious, Chuck hissed, "Can it,
Jeanine!" Jeanine's lip started to quiver as her mind leapt to thoughts of
her tuna friend's recent mishap. She got flustered, and missed the next
teleprompt.
Chuck didn't believe for a second that Jeanine's slip was an
honest mistake, and, afterall, he was still blind to the lingering effects of
hurtful comments from the past. He was
sick of what he short-sightedly considered to be Jeanine's "emotional outbursts."
Chuck stammered, "Oh, get over it, Jeanine! We've got bigger fish to
fr--" Chuck stopped as soon as he saw Jeanine's jaw drop and Roger's face
deepen two shades of orange. Even Chuck realized that it was a poor choice of
words.
(Author's note: Yesterday, when I brought the mail in, there was a
flyer stuck in the door announcing that Wiley is lost. I mean no disrespect to
Wiley or his human in including his fate in today's report. I am merely trying
to report all house-related news within the stylistic constraints of the
genre.)
(Additional author's note: I am also not making trying to make
light of our local news debacle, but a display of the insensitivity of the
media (and its tendency to brush off legitimate issues as political
correctness, and, in so doing deny their worth) is timely. The county fair
starts today and just yesterday, there was news that one musical act was
canceled after the Bakersfield Californian ran an article explaining the white
supremecist background of a 13-year-old local musical duo. (Their album
contains a song titled "Aryan Man Awake," which they had decided not
to perform at the fair). The director of this event explained that he canceled
it because the article about the duo might cause a
"disruption." TV news media last night covered the story and said
that the director fears that "the band's political and social message
could attract violence." Never mind that the message itself could
incite violence. That part seems to be OK with most of our local media. It
is an anti-supremecist reaction to white supremacy that seems to be
feared. A colleague is trying to contact the director to see if he knew that
the duo had a white supremacist focus and following (even if they were not
going to perform actively racist songs at the fair). As yet, it is unclear if
he knew about that.)